Korean Canadian Lisa

So we barely meet one of our dorm mates and she is right up in our grill with questions and exciting stories of her travels. Dusty and I unpack and go out for a bit to eat and a beverage of note. The next day it is apparently just the three of us in the dorm so we get the full brunt of Lisa. The Canadian born 100% for thousands of generations, Lisa.
I actually did not know her name but was told by Dusty that we had a date with her for a drink later that night. Dusty and I spent the whole day looking for jobs and homes here in Queenstown. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Clear blue skies, nothing but sunshine. Lisa has gone shopping because she felt that she needed therapy after her bunjy jump earlier that morning. It was from 134 meter (roughly 3.5 ft/m). It actually broke blood vessels in her eyelids, though she did have to shut her eyes for me to see. Don't get all in a fuss over that comment until you read the whole story and grasp our relationship with the wacko! I don't think that they broke because of the pressure gained during the fall. After the video of her jump I feel that it is from the impressive death cry that she gave the whole way down, and up, and down and up. Oh yeah, when she undid her feet, herself, she let out another one. Oh yeah, and when the pulley came down and latched onto the harness to lift her there was another one. It made me want to vomit. Anyway, I am getting sidetracked here. Back to the story.
Eventually we talk her into coming out without a shower. The sun is setting, its almost nine at night, and it is getting cold but we still think tha tit is a brilliant idea. That misspelling there was totally subconscious. I was not trying to be funny but it of course made me laugh so its staying. I am freezing my nuts off when Lisa says that she isn't because she has insulation. She by no means is a big girl but rather a full figured girl. I don't want to get into the whole you're not fat conversation so the comment is ignored. She then goes on to tell us "I am normally a banana, but after living in Australia for the last year I am a chocolate banana." Ok, can't resist this one. What the hell does that mean. Well, I am yellow on the outside and white on the inside and I have an African American butt. Dusty and I about fell out of our chairs. Then she opened up a can of Asian stereotypes, accents, and family stories on us.
After her one allowed drink as an Asian, she was of course hammered and cut herself off. The one drink was a vodka cruiser (Schmiernoff Ice). Oh God, she started to talk then. We went to get some pizza but it did not help old jabber jaw. Our laughter fueled her fire further. Lets see if I can remember some of the quotes.

"My father said that he would disown me if I did not marry an Asian, but I have finally convinced him that white people are ok too!"

"My whole life our dog was named Petty. I just found out at age 27 that he was named petty because that is what he was, he was petty. Oh, Pretty. What else in my life is totally wrong and a lie?"

"Mom, why does grandma call white people Halo? Is that the real Korean word for it. No Lisa, it is because the say Hello all of the time."

"Lisa, Keep your eyes out for the farting lot. Dad!! its a parking lot"

If a traditional Korean man tried to treat me like a traditional Korean woman, "I would punch him in the face, throw him out of the house and then later ask him if he would like to talk about his concerns."

"One time when I was younger, I thought that my eyes were small enough that no one could tell where I was looking. It was a great discovery. I stared at people for weeks and they couldn't tell. It was like wearing sunglasses. Then my friend said why are you staring at me? You can tell where I'm looking? Yes, I can see your eyes. Oh Shit!!"

"lets go the bars. I need to perv on some guys butts."

"I am actually English with a good tan and eyes that were taped up as a child and the stuck. That is how white I really am."

So she gets Dusty and I up out of bed, to the club, trying to get us to perv on women (hit on super aggressively). I wake up, she has her second drink of the night and then drags us back to bed because she is now tired. This all of course ended with a drunken interrogation of what we like about women, the full Cosmo question and answer. She could make paint drying a memorable experience.